Days like today

It's days like today that make me wish that I just didn't wake up.


I'm so sick of fighting and crying and feeling like there isn't a damn thing I can do right!
And when I try to explain myself he doesn't want to take the time to try to understand that this is a very stressful situation. He doesn't want to understand how I feel because everything has to be about him. EVERYTHING ISN'T ABOUT HIM.
I'm so sick of taking care of everybody. There isn't a single moment of my life when someone doesn't need something. Someone is always sick, someone is always in the hospital, someone is always in need of something.
When do I ever take the time to ask anyone for anything?
When is the last time I did anything for myself?
When was the last time I was sick and someone actually took care of me? Because even when I am sick I'm the one who gets shit on. NOBODY CARES.


I just want one damn person to understand where I'm coming from.
I want one person to understand how stressful this is for me.
First mom almost dying in High School, and I was the only one who was ever home to take care of her. Dad worked and TJ avoided the situation and hung out with his friends and I was left home to take care of her because she couldn't be left alone.
Now Dad's sick and so out of wack because of medications that I can't do anything right, I'm always walking on eggshells. I'm always trying to figure out what the right things are to say. So to just avoid the situation I hide in my room or I find an outlet, like hanging out at my Aunt and Uncle's, and the second I try to explain how I feel, he doesn't want to hear it and gets pissed off at me. I'm the bad guy because I'm 20 years old and sick of taking care of people, because all I ever do is take care of people. I never have a moment of peace and quiet. Not one. There isn't a single second when anything is about me.

And everyone wonders why I want to leave? Everyone wonders why I'd move tomorrow if it were possible.
Are you still friggen questioning it!? 'Cause if you are, stop. Because I'm leaving at the first chance I get.